When Fear Fills In the Blanks

Today, I was reminded of something that happened when I was in my early twenties, while on vacation. I decided to take a sailing class, feeling adventurous and proud of myself for trying something new.

Everything was going well—until the boat capsized.

Suddenly, I was in the water, holding onto the side of the boat, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. From the shore, I could see a lifeguard waving his arms. I could tell he was yelling something, but I could not hear him clearly.

Then I saw it.

A fin was moving through the water, not too far from me.

My mind immediately filled in the blanks:

Shark.

Fear took over. My thoughts raced. My body tensed. I was no longer thinking clearly—I was reacting. I could not process anything except the story my fear had just written for me.

After a few moments that felt much longer than they actually were, I finally heard him clearly.

“DOLPHIN.”

And just like that, everything changed.

What I thought was danger was never danger at all.

It was my fear—not the fin—that had taken control.

More Than Just a Fin

That fin was not really about a shark or a dolphin.

It was about how quickly fear can shape our reality when we do not yet have all the information.

Fear does not wait for facts.

It fills in the blanks for us—often with the worst possible version of the story.

The Caregiver’s Blind Spot

 Caregiving does this too.

A new symptom appears.

A call is delayed.

A loved one seems different today than yesterday.

And our minds rush to fill in the blanks.

As caregivers—whether family or professional caregivers—we often find ourselves reacting not to what is actually happening, but to what we fear might happen.

Exhaustion, emotional investment, and the weight of responsibility make it harder to pause, harder to ask questions, harder to wait for clarity.

Just like I did in the water, caregivers can become trapped in a story shaped by fear rather than facts.

The Takeaway

Caregiving is not only about what is happening in front of us—it is also about what is happening inside of us.

 Learning to pause and ask:

• What do I actually know right now?
• What am I assuming?
• What information might I still need?

It is not a weakness.

It is wisdom.

Moving With Compassion

 If you are caring for someone and feel anxious, overwhelmed, or constantly bracing for what might come next, I want you to know—you are not alone.

But fear does not have to be the one leading the way.

Sometimes, what we think is a shark…is simply a dolphin waiting to be recognized.

Because caregiving is not just about responding to crises—it is about learning when to pause, breathe, and seek clarity with compassion.

Stay Connected for Support

If this reflection resonates with you, I invite you to stay connected and supported:

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Because caregiving is not just about doing —

It is about being supported, seen, and walking the journey with compassion